![]() That's what really upsets me, the world really is unfair sometimes. and then they just stay in their dorms! They don't even take advantage of what's around them. What's interesting is that most of my friends who actually could afford tuition to a good school pay literally thousands of dollars a semester to live on campus. I live kind of out in the middle of nowhere and during school time it's basically just going to class and going home there isn't really much social activity to take part in. If I were to live on campus at an actual standard university (not like the commuter university I'm transferring to in the fall I think something like 54% of students commute there), I think it would give me a lot more social opportunities than I have now. Having to spend an hour a day driving to a community college doesn't help either lol. I guess it's not really a "real job", but I do get paid for it and I live too far away from any other employment opportunities at the moment. Basically he commissions me to do some editing work and I get a cut of the profit. I help produce podcasts that my dad hosts for some production company. So with that in mind, at 19, what would make a meaningful long term difference in your life if you achieved it, and how? But if you say you need to have sex first then you have an excuse to avoid starting all the things that will present their own challenges. If you are shy and worried about the future before you have sex you will continue to be shy and worried after you have sex. His idea was he lacked the confidence to become a pilot but sex would fix him. My favourite example of this is an Incel who told me because he didn’t have sex by age 17 he was doomed to never be a pilot. There’s also the reality by building up what sex is meant to do (by being a man) there’s a ready made excuse to avoid doing anything that would involve maturity. So the prospect of having sex and failing makes people too scared to even get close The reason I asked is often incels make sex scarier than it is- it’s the prerequisite for being a man, and if you “fail” you will never be a man. I couldn’t remember the last time a peer talked about their sex to me, or vice versa, but tv shows, politics, comics- that stuff we talk about all the times You can relate to your peers on aspects other than sex, and generally especially as you get older, you do. Every person has different likes, dislikes, kinks and turns offs and it’s better to be the person willing to learn than the one who assumes they know what’s going on. ![]() It’s not like a video game where if you get enough sex points you suddenly level up to being a sex master. Sexual experience is learning from your partner….whoever that partner is at that time. Sure, these guys might find unity in their struggles with social interactions, but the toxic air of “and you have to remain a social recluse if you want to keep this community” is very dangerous! It just keeps reminding me that this isn’t a support group. I’ve also heard about guys who do succeed at getting a partner, but decide to lie about it in order to stay as a member of the community. As you say, negativity is not the only lesson one can draw from this event, but that is what gets encouraged in their spaces. ![]() Their stories then get used as “see, don’t get hopeful or else reality will just hurt you again!”īesides this being a clear example of survivorship bias (or I guess a reversal of it?), it’s interesting to see the mindsets that develop from these experiences. How some incels will disappear from the community for a while because they find this one girl who was giving them a tiny bit of attention and they get so hopeful that they’re ready to abandon the movement forever… and then return in shame when it goes sideways. I’ve heard similar stories from their communities from my conversations with them. ![]()
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